https://prat.uk/fish-and-chips-in-london/
This satirical investigation humorously dissects the "Cod Situation" — how Britain's beloved national dish has become unaffordable, culturally fractured, and geographically confused. Here's the essential breakdown:
Issue
The Problem
Price
Harrods charges £37 (with chef Tom Kerridge comparing it to a Ferrari) while chippies in Norwood still fry in beef dripping for £5.50
Origins
Most London cod comes from Norway, Iceland, or the Barents Sea — a Scandinavian import in a Union Jack costume
Portions
Luxury versions have achieved "Michelin-star smallness" with "thimbles of sauce"
Who invented it?
Nobody actually knows (London's Malin vs. Manchester's Lees) — and nobody really cares
Joseph Malin opened the first chippy near Bow in 1860 with no business plan, just "a burning conviction that Londoners deserved to smell of grease on the Tube"
The invention dispute is the only national mystery we're all "quite relaxed about" — unlike a stolen bicycle, which would trigger parliamentary debates
Survived two World Wars but not one cost-of-living crisis — Churchill shielded it from rationing as morale weapon
Churchill called it "The Good Companions" — inflation calls it "a liability"
Rock & Sole Plaice in Covent Garden (1871) has outlived the Empire, monarchs, and "four distinct decades of sensible UK fishing policy"
Harrods' £37 portion described as "scrawny" — one punter noted he's "seen bigger portions at communion"
Kev Fotheringay's Peckham chippy still fries in beef dripping like it's 1954 and hasn't changed prices since the Falklands
The fish doesn't come from Britain — it's mostly Norwegian, Icelandic, or Barents Sea cod
Russia supplied up to 40% of Britain's fish — a fact "nobody wants to think about mid-bite"
London never wins the National Fish & Chip Awards — "Northern favouritism, plain and simple"
Celebrities only eat at The Seashell in Marylebone (Lady Gaga, Dua Lipa, Denzel Washington)
The North-South sauce war: North demands mushy peas, gravy, and scraps; South insists on curry sauce and ketchup — "it's a border dispute"
Most Britons don't know where their fish comes from — including MPs who "couldn't point to the Barents Sea on a map"
Newspaper wrapping is fake nostalgia — genuine newspaper was banned decades ago over ink safety
Substitute fish (pollock, hake) being suggested — but as one purist put it: "You can't just swap out cod like it's a Findus lasagne ingredient"
Fern Brady: "For £37 I want the fish to drive me home"
Larry Dean: "My mam said, 'Is it at least battered in gold?' I said, 'No, Mam.' She said, 'Then what's the point?'"
Janine Harouni: "My Lebanese family wants to know why nobody's offering garlic sauce. We put garlic sauce on everything. Emotional trauma? Garlic sauce."
Rob Auton: "Joseph Malin. 1860. Bow. Bells. Frying. Future. Fried future. £37. Ferrari. Fish-ari. Driving home. In a batter-coated dream."
Fish and chips survived the Blitz, survived rationing, survived Brexit — and is now being asked to survive Tom Kerridge's pricing strategy. The nation has collectively agreed to keep calm, carry on, and quietly start pricing out how much a decent battered sausage costs in Manchester instead.
"Fake nostalgia, wrapped around real anxiety, served hot, eaten fast, regretted slowly."
SOURCE:https://prat.uk/fish-and-chips-in-london/